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Hair and grooming

Ten things you’ll only understand once you lose your hair

Are you thinning on top? Receding? Or are you one of the many fearless crusaders who have decided to embrace their genetics with a smooth, shiny scalp?

Whatever the case, there’s a definite line that separates life post-hair from everything that came before it. And while some guys may dread losing their hair, there’s a lot to be said for the #baldlyfe that you won’t really appreciate until it happens.

So, sexy bald men, this one’s for you. Gather round as we celebrate ten things you’ll only understand once you lose your hair.

1. You have a lot of spare time in the morning

Did you ever used to think about how much time you spent washing, drying and styling your hair? You do now. There’s suddenly a big hole in your schedule between ‘shower’ and ‘leaving the house’ because you’re done getting ready as soon as your clothes are on.

2. You can’t stop touching it

Like a fresh wax, there’s something about a shaved head that begs to be touched.

You find yourself running your fingers over your dome when you’re on the phone, or watching TV, or doing anything that leaves you with a hand free. How is it smooth and rough and soft and scratchy and a bit sexy and quite weird all at the same time?

3. Other people can’t stop touching it

See previous point. Especially hot when you’re making out.

4. You know there’s no such thing as ‘non-greasy’ sunscreen

When you have to cover your whole scalp, ‘fresh and light’ is a cruel joke.

5. Your target market explodes

Did you think you were going to lose your mojo with your hair? Think again. Your shiny head is suddenly a beacon for men of all ages, backgrounds and walks of life. Maybe you stand out more now. Maybe every bald man looks like The Rock from a distance. Don’t ask why. Just enjoy it.

6. You have a lot more freedom

Going swimming later? Windy in the city today? Getting a bit sweaty in the club? If you still had hair, these things would all have the potential to ruin your styling. Along with helmet hair and dandruff, they’re no longer your concern.

7. It’s your time to shine, all the time!

You have, at some stage, seen the glare coming off your head in the overhead mirrors at the service station, or maybe the CCTV at your corner store. It’s both impressive and a bit confronting.

8. People change how they talk about you

You notice this most in customer service situations. Like somebody flicked a switch, you go from being “the guy by the doorway” to “the man by the doorway”. In the collective unconscious your bald head moves you out of the catch-all category of ‘guys’ and ‘dudes’ into the more respected territory of ‘men’ and ‘gentlemen’. Where would you rather be?

9. You suddenly look great with facial hair

Having no hair gives you a whole lot of extra real estate at the top of your face. You discover, maybe for the first time, that having hair on the bottom half of your face really comes in handy. Rather than making you look grubby, facial hair becomes the thing that balances out your features.

10. You save serious money on haircuts, apparently

You think about the cool $1,000-$1,500 you’re saving every year of your life on haircuts, product, shampoo and conditioner. You wonder where it is.

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