Sextortion can happen to anyone. You’re not alone, and it’s not your fault.
So, you’re talking to a guy on a hookup app. Things are moving quickly. You’ve moved from small talk to sharing ‘into’s’ within a few messages. He asks for pics. You say you’re disc. You move to Snapchat. Share a few nudes.
Then things take a turn. The nudes he sends are professional and seem like those of a model. His tone shifts from flirty to threatening. Suddenly, he’s saying he’ll share your nudes with your family if you don’t send him money.
This is called sexual extortion, and it can happen to anyone. Sharing or threatening to share a nude or video without the consent of the person shown is illegal.
Experiencing sextortion can be very stressful, but we’re here to help and show you how to deal with it.
What is sexual extortion or ‘sextortion’?
Sextortion is a type of blackmail where someone threatens to share your nudes unless you give in to their demands (usually sending money). It can happen on popular hookup apps like Grindr and Sniffies and often targets young or discreet men.
How to tell if you’re experiencing sexual extortion
1. They’re catfishing you
A catfish is someone who’s deliberately lying to you about their identity online. If they’re using someone else’s pics, they could be a catfish. You can learn more about the signs of catfishing in our article.
2. They escalate things quickly
They might be overly flirtatious and sexual from the start. They might want to switch to another platform (often Snapchat, due to its disappearing-message feature) and ask for nudes with your face in them.
3. They threaten you
The person might threaten to share your nudes with your family, employer or the public. We understand that this can be a deeply troubling experience. Know that confidential support services are available to help you through this.
You can learn more about safety tips when using gay dating apps in this article.
How to deal with sextortion
If you are at risk of physical harm from the blackmailer, call the police on Triple Zero (000).
If someone is threatening you, don’t send them money, sexual images or videos. Stop contact with them. Blackmailers usually give up when they realise you won’t pay.
If you’ve already paid the blackmailer, you may still be able to stop it. If you paid through your bank account, contact your bank to see if they can help. If you transferred money using an app or site, you might be able to cancel the transfer.
How to report sexual extortion
Sexual extortion is a crime. You can report the blackmailer by:
1. Collecting evidence
Take screenshots of the messages, including the dates and times they were sent. Save any info you have of the person, including their account and bank details.
2. Reporting sextortion
You can report the account on the platform where they are threatening you.
If they are threatening to share your images or videos, you can submit a report with the eSafety Commissioner — Australia’s peak body for online safety.
You can also anonymously report it to Crime Stoppers.
3. Blocking them
Block the blackmailer on all apps and services.
How to recover from sextortion
It’s common to feel anxiety or shame after experiencing sexual extortion. Know that you are not alone, and that there is support available to help you recover from sextortion.
- If you need urgent help, contact Lifeline on 13 11 14.
- You could tell a trusted friend, who might be able to help you think clearly if you’re feeling overwhelmed.
- We have a list of support services you can contact for mental health support.
About the Author
Oli McAuslan (they/them) is a queer, non-binary writer and designer based in Naarm (Melbourne). Oli holds a Bachelor of Arts in Anthropology and Gender Studies from the University of Sydney. Since 2024, they have been the lead writer and editor of the Emen8 blog. Their work spans the intricacies of identity, health, pleasure, and culture for queer, trans, gender-diverse and multicultural folk. In their spare time, you can find them reading queer fiction or perusing vintage fashion markets.
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