Gentlemen of the Wild West — this one’s for you. Read on for some insights into gay life in the most isolated city in the world™.
Clear skies, beautiful beaches for days and home-grown Western Australian men everywhere you look – what’s not to like about Perth? And if you’re a guy who’s into guys, living in arguably the world’s most isolated city (sit down, Auckland) gives you a unique perspective on the world.
We’ve got a few proud Perth locals here at Emen8 HQ, so we’ve decided it’s time your voices were heard. Join us as we celebrate and commiserate (in equal measure) the 14 things you’ll only understand if you’re a guy living your best life in sunny Perth.
1. You can cross reference your Grindr grid with your high-school yearbook
When we’re all in the nursing home/lifestyle village in Bunbury, we’ll be able to look back across a lifetime of torsos and duckface pics together.
2. Nobody asks what you mean when you say you’re going to ‘the club’
Having one gay club in town really takes the work out of planning your weekend.
3. Nobody talks about the time(s) you made your mother proud at said club
Connections brings together people of all ages, genders and orientations under one shiny disco ball/weapons-grade smoke machine. The one thing we all have in common is that we’ve all publicly disgraced ourselves there at some point.
4. You’ve watched guys go into the sauna from the Vietnamese restaurant across the road
Just in case you were considering some dessert.
5. You’ve lived in a share house in Maylands/Mount Lawley/Highgate
Welcome to the pink triangle! You’ve been told that there’s a river in Maylands and a train station in Mount Lawley, but you’ve never set eyes on either.
6. You run into guys from Perth everywhere you go in the world
You’re fairly sure you could log on to Scruff in Antarctica and someone would message you with “WOOF! Did you go to UWA?”
7. You’ve done the Transperth commute of shame
Because dignity < $165 cab fare from Joondalup.
8. You know Swanbourne is the nude beach, but you’ve definitely never been there
Is it the only beat in WA with million-dollar views? I guess we’ll never know.
9. You moved to London/Melbourne/Sydney for a few years. Then you moved back to Perth
You missed the sun setting over the ocean.
10. Your social media feed is full of all your Perth mates living in London/Melbourne/Sydney
For now – it’s only a matter of time.
11. You can merge. Everyone else is the problem
Freeway: LANE ENDS MERGE RIGHT
You: Perth drivers! Merge like a zipper! It’s not hard!
Also you: Left lane is clear… I’ll just cruise up with my indicator on and cut in somewhere.
12. You’ve run into friends in the waiting room at the M-Clinic
Hey! What have you been up to? Me too.
13. You can add at least $500 to the cost of any ‘destination wedding’
Now that everyone can get married, you’ve realised why nobody in Perth has any money in their thirties.
14. You’ve had a FIFOFB
And you’ve made him wear his hi-vis in bed.