Since a single bite of forbidden fruit from the Garden of Eden, humankind has borne the brunt of living with original sin… according to some super old books written by mortals long before Apple Inc. splashed its half-eaten logo over much of the world’s mobile devices.
Nowadays, as we bask in the early-morning sunshine from the dawn of the digital age, have our vices found new online channels through which to prosper? Will our love of technology be the final fall from grace? Is there any hope for our salvation?
Emen8 presents a tongue in cheek look at the technological tormentors of our time. But remember, none of us are saints and it’s only a bit of fun… at least, that’s what the snake told us.
How else to scratch an itch of excessive sexual desire? Grindr, Scruff or Jack’d perhaps? Ha! These newfangled apps are mere folly to the truly dedicated sinner… Way before the effortless convenience of finding a ‘date’ through GPS proximity, one had to invest real effort hunting online — evenings whiled away to dulcet tones of a dial-up modem, mastering the art of single-handed typing on a full sized keyboard.
For those seriously committed to the pursuit of lustful desires since the dawn of digital, Manhunt set the tone at the turn of the millennium for tech-savvy and man-thirsty punters. According to its website, it’s still “the world’s largest dating site for gay men”! Who knew?
Repent with: Total abstinence from earthly pleasures is one way to avoid consequences of lust… but if you do enjoy carnal delights, regular testing is a heavenly component of all good sexual health regimes. Check out Eight reasons why you should get an STI test, even if you don’t think you need one
Mmmm… How best to gorge on digestible delights in the digital realm? Pixelated food porn on Pinterest offers no solid sustenance. And until we figure out how to 3D print a pizza or teleport a taco, we’re stuck with the first world inconvenience of waiting for somebody else to make dinner and bring it to us. Because sometimes getting off the sofa is just too much (see #Sloth).
Welcome, sinners, to the dastardly, yet oh so delicious domain of Uber Eats. A succulent smorgasbord of everything imaginable that’s edible. If only someone invented a solution for a hook up pickup… you know, Deliveroot or something (see #Lust).
“If only someone invented a solution for a hook up pickup… you know, Deliveroot or something”
Repent with: Pass on home delivery and deliver yourself from evil with a divine diet. Chew your way to redemption in ‘Clean eating’ – common sense or crazy talk?
More, more, more! You don’t know ‘extra’ until you’ve met greed — the sin of indulgent consumption or collection of ‘stuff’. Do you keep 1073 unread items in your email inbox? Are you still struggling to part with that nostalgic collection of MP3s buried in a cryptically titled desktop folder? Digital sins, but none nearly so greedy as the desire for material possessions.
Who can resist the temptation of so many gorgeous little things available at such bargain prices? Consider this — it’s Sunday arvo and you’re done ranting online (see #Wrath) about what you watched on TV yesterday (see #Sloth) when your attention turns towards something more soothing: retail therapy! Yes, 2018 is the year online behemoth, Amazon arrived in Australia, fuelling our avarice. I mean, who wouldn’t want virtual assistant Alexa in every room at home… listening… to everything you say… always.
Repent with: Marie Kondo, patron saint of tidiness, preaches ruthless culling and decluttering in Six ways to update your wardrobe without needing to buy more clothes
You know when you just can’t even? If staying in is the new going out, sitting down is surely the new working out. And, oh my — do we work hard at doing nothing. Avoiding exertion is a sin for the slothfully skilled. We CBF to say “CBF” in full, so why wouldn’t we relish instant online gratification to foster a lazy lifestyle?
“You know when you just can’t even? If staying in is the new going out, sitting down is surely the new working out.”
Say hello to binge watching an entire season of The Crown on your Netflix and chill date… But when ‘chill’ really means chill instead of other sinful pursuits (see #Lust).
Repent with: Sometimes ‘chill’ doesn’t mean chill at all, and there’s surely special punishment in the afterlife for starfish bottoms. Enjoy and emulate some shirtless men on your screen instead, spreading the good word of How to become a better power bottom at the gym
Which digital communications platform isn’t a fertile breeding ground for unfettered fury? Top of the pile, yet just the tip of the iceberg, has to be Twitter. Donald Trump — need I say more?
Doubling its generosity — read ‘feeding your greed’ (see #Greed) — there’s a whole 280 characters within which to express what irks you in the moment. Go on… treat yourself to a tweet. Your emotions converted to a computer language of zero’s and one’s, preserved in binary purgatory for boyfriends, past, present and future to judge you with at any moment. Pretty sure Netflix (see #Sloth) showcased this in Black Mirror.
Repent with: Are your neural pathways packed with road rage? Come back to grace and soothe your senses with mellow mindfulness. It’s all laid out in Why Mindfulness is for everyone, according to Ruby Wax’s Sane New World
Akin to its cousins of greed and lust, this sin is characterised by an insatiable desire… to covet something somebody else has that you don’t. For gays, this seems to mostly be brunch, cats or attractive friends.
No other app strikes envy into the hearts of men than the world’s most infamous advertising space: Facebook. Now we are all slaves to the algorithm… But OMG, did you see her status update in that restaurant with photos of the 17 course degustation? JEALOUS! Oh look, an ad for a cute t-shirt with a sassy RuPaul slogan (see #Greed).
Repent with: Sometimes the grass appears greener, and not just because of your envious glow. We all have a cross to bear, but don’t be ruled by your emotions — get out, tear that turf up and make your own attractive friends in the process! Discover how in Five reasons to join a GLBTI sports club and where to find one. You might even get brunch out of it. Probs no cats though.
The original and most serious of the seven sins, pride is founded in the belief that one is essentially more superior, more important, or just generally better than everyone else. Obvs, only alpha attention seekers need apply as contenders for this digital sin. Snapchat screams “Look at me”, but lacks persistence when conversations revert to digital dust after a day.
“…as one friend recently said ‘It’s my PG album for Grindr’. With abs like his, I’d have no selfie control either.”
For permanently preserved photographic perfection with the ability to augment reality on demand (#nofilter), Instagram takes the virtual cake. And as one friend recently said “It’s my PG album for Grindr”. With abs like his, I’d have no selfie control either.
Repent with: Not to be confused with the virtues of the LGBTI rights movement, selfish pride is neutralised through humility, kindness and consideration for others. So you know, maybe get vaccinated for the greater good of community or something. Find out how in Everything you need to know about Hepatitis outbreaks: vaccinations, treatments and cures