It’s the 21st century. And the gays are using apps for almost everything.
Gay and bi+ men are some of the most avid and creative users of dating apps to find hookups. It’s fun and thrilling but can also come with a potential risk – especially at beats. Although we’d like to think of homophobic hate as a thing of the past, it continues to pop its ugly head up.
You might have heard the news about recent attacks and violence using Grindr in Melbourne, Canberra, and Perth. In New South Wales, Police have advised of a high number of recent assaults, particularly in Western Sydney and South West Sydney.
We’re not suggesting you ditch the apps and forget hookups altogether. But we do want you to be prepared and safe when meeting people IRL. Here are some tips for ensuring your safety when meeting up with people you’ve met on a dating app or visiting a beat.
1. Watch out for catfishes
A catfish is someone who’s deliberately lying to you about their identity online. We have a handy article to tell if you’re being catfished on a gay dating app. If their pics are blurry, old, oddly-cropped or screenshots, they may be a catfish.
Images of celebrities, porn stars or phishing links are also probably not who you think they are! Give this Grindr help page a browse to understand scams that may operate on hookup apps. If they can’t send you a clear, recent pic, it’s best to steer clear from meeting with them.
2. Be careful what you send
Especially if they’re giving catfish energy. Don’t give away personal details like your full name, phone number, or address unless you’re certain about this guy! If you’re sending spicy pics, avoid sending nudes with your face or other identifiable features in them (like street signs or restaurant names that could give away your location).
Try not to use location-sending features on gay hookup sites, especially if you’re at home. If they ask you to switch to an app like Snapchat, make sure your location isn’t visible, as this can give away your precise location.
3. If you’re not sure, don’t go!
Trust your gut; if something doesn’t seem right, it’s probably best not to meet up with this person. If your judgement and intuition are impaired by alcohol or drugs, it might not be the right time to head to a beat. If there’s one near you, visit a local sex-on-premises venue instead.
4. If you do go, take precautions
There are a couple of safety tips we recommend if you’re meeting up with someone:
- Let someone know where you’re going — get your bestie who has you on Find My Friends to make sure you get there and home okay. Or better yet, bring one of your fuckbuddies with you!
- Take charge of your sexual health — whether that’s with PrEP, an undetectable viral load or condoms and pack some lube (some sachets or a small bottle).
- Wear comfortable clothes and shoes — wear whatever works well for stripping off quickly and putting back on fast if you need to exit in a hurry.
- Meet somewhere you know — if you’re new to cruising, check out the area during the day beforehand so you’re familiar with the area. Cruising sites such as Squirt, BBRT and Sniffies allow users to post about specific beats, so you can see who’s there and read what other cruisers think about a spot to get insider knowledge of any dangers.
- Don’t take valuables with you — leave them at home or lock them in your car. Keep your phone and keys in your sock or boot. Also, make sure your phone is charged and that you stay in an area with good reception.
- Don’t walk around with headphones in — use all your senses to stay aware of opportunities or danger.
- Consent is key — respect others in the space by checking consent every time. If it’s a no-talking kind of vibe, look for other forms of communication, such as body language and eye contact. A thumbs up or down, or a nod or shake of the head can be useful non-verbal signals.
- Know your exit — plan a clear way to leave. If you feel unsafe, exit the space.
If you think you’ve been exposed to HIV within the last 72 hours without any form of protection, a course of PEP can help keep you HIV negative. Click on your state/territory to get PEP now:
Beat safety resources
For more info on beat safety: