If you’ve ever used a dating app or given your number to a guy, chances are you’ve been involved in some sexting.
It can be a playful and sexy way to connect without needing to be in the same room or even the same city! It’s also a safe and easy way to scratch that itch if you’re stuck at home or waiting for an STI to clear up.
Sexting doesn’t come naturally to everyone, and there are some valid reasons to think twice before you jump in with some explicit chat (see below). But like any skill, good sexting is something you can develop with some practice — and a little guidance from us.
Limber up those thumbs and slip into something a little sexty!
1. Get consent before you get started
Just because you’re in the mood to get nasty doesn’t mean they are.
Make sure you’re both happy with what’s going on, especially if you’re sending nudes. They might be on the train, in a meeting, at Mum’s place or a just somewhere it’s not OK to open a dick pic.
If at any point either of you isn’t comfortable or needs to stop, just call it off — no questions asked.
Continuing to send explicit messages to someone who doesn’t want them is harassment — see next point!
2. What about the law? Is gay sexting legal?
Yes, sexting between consenting adults is perfectly legal.
We went ahead and got all the details on the legalities of adult messaging from the Office of the e-Safety Commissioner, and you can be as explicit as you like. But that doesn’t mean it’s a free-for-all.
If you’re using a messaging app or a dating app to send explicit messages, it’s against the law to do it in a way that’s offensive or harassing. You can also be in breach of sexual harassment laws and codes of conduct if you start sending or viewing sexts in an inappropriate context, like at work.
Remember, sharing someone else’s intimate photo without their consent is a crime!
Apart from that, the law has no problem with your sexting habits — but it’s still best practice to get explicit and enthusiastic consent first.
3. Before you hit send, think about where it might end up
If you’re sending graphic messages to someone, especially anything with nudes, make sure you trust them. That perfect dick pic could easily ruin your election campaign in a few years! Never share explicit photos of someone else without their consent or you could be breaking the law.
If you’re on a dating app, there are a number of things you can do to stop your chats from getting into the wrong hands. While none of the apps can be described as ‘secure’, when it comes to data, Grindr has a holistic security guide that’s worth checking out. For added protection, you can also use features like disappearing photos, private albums, and self-erasing texts/voice notes.
4. Unless they’re your partner (and even if they are), don’t send nudes with your face in them
Enough said.
5. Be explicit
Part of the beauty of sexting is that there’s still a bit of a barrier between you. You can text things you might be embarrassed to say in person without worrying you’ll flub the delivery. You also have the time to edit your texts so they come across exactly how you want them to.
Make the most of it. Tell them exactly what you’re thinking. Use bad words.
6. Look out for predictive text
Does it drive you crazy when I’m ducking you with my clock?
Always do a quick proof for this sort of nonsense before you hit send to avoid killing the mood.
7. Don’t peak too soon
Start slowly and build tension.
Just like actual sex, much of the pleasure comes from foreplay, and you don’t want it to be over too soon. Rather than leading with the fucking, talk them through how you want to get there. Ask them what they want you to wear next time you’re together, and then how they want to take it off you. Tell them you wish they were there to keep you warm, and then let them suggest how they might do it. You get the idea.
Recounting a memorable sexy experience you’ve shared in the past is a great way to help get your creative juices flowing. Remembering and describing all the details can reignite those feelings, leaving them gagging for more.
8. Use humour and innuendo
Be playful!
There’s definitely a time for I-need-you-deep-inside-me-right-now intensity, but some light bants can be just as hot. A bit of humour and personality are actually very important — it’s usually much sexier if they feel like they’re chatting to a real person rather than a pornbot.
Be suggestive or risqué with colourful wordplay or double entendres: “Thinking about how our last card game escalated to something much more… intense. Can’t wait to shuffle your deck again.“
9. Get creative
Your phone has a lot of tools to make your filthy chat really shine.
Emojis, gifs, stickers, text effects — whatever your messaging style, bring it into your sexting. There’s plenty of suggestive material outside the eggplant and the peach to add flavour to your chat. Use your imagination.
10. Be expressive with your language
Don’t forget that the organ you’re actually stimulating is their brain. Use words that appeal to the senses, and don’t be afraid to make it personal.
Consider the difference: ‘I want you to fuck me’ vs ‘I want you to slide your cock inside me’.
The second one has a lot more sensory punch — it brings them right into the moment you’re describing. It says the same thing as the first one, but it’s got a sense of intimacy and encourages them to imagine how it would feel. That’s what you’re aiming for.
11. Use lots of short sentences
Don’t make them wait 10 minutes for your chapter-length delivery man fantasy.
Keep your texts short, spontaneous and rapid-fire — one sentence max per message — so they’re hanging on each one.
Gay sexting suggestions
After all that, you still want us to spell it out for you? Alright then… try these out to build your own sexting style and confidence:
- I’m so turned on thinking about your [insert body part]
- You’re such a good kisser — I get instantly hard when your lips touch mine
- I can still smell you in my bed, and it’s turning me on…
- I’m imagining how it feels to be inside you right now
- I can’t wait to get home, and you [taste/smell/touch/fuck] me
- I’m going to make you cum so hard when I get my hands on you
- Tell me how you’ll beg for it
- What do you want to do with me later?
- It was so hot when you did [insert sexy action]! Let’s do that again!
- Tell me how much you want me
- It’s a shame you’re not here right now; otherwise, I’d be doing [insert sexy action] to you…
Most importantly — have fun, and don’t be scared to experiment! Sexting is a great way to learn more about yourself and what turns you on, so don’t worry if you don’t get it right every time. With some practice (and healthy boundaries), your new hobby will make a fantastic addition to your sex life.
Looking to take it to the next level online? Check out Online and looking: a guide to dating apps for gay and bi guys or Virtually hooking up: a beginner’s guide to online sex.