Communicating online should be simple. With plenty of time to craft your responses and no need for eye contact or awkward silences – or even to get off the couch – there’s no easier way to say exactly what you mean.
So why does it sometimes feel like everyone is speaking a different language? Why do so many chats amount to nothing, or – worse – go on for weeks?
It’s time to stop wasting data and start making the most of your apps. With a (very little) bit of intensive research and lot of lived experience, we’ve taken the guesswork out of meeting guys online. Read on for the Emen8 guide to decoding his chat.
What he says: Hey / Sup? / Tap / Woof
What he means: Hello there. You are one of seventeen guys who just received this.
What are you up to?
Is there any chance we can have sex tonight?
I’m just getting into bed
If you want anything tonight, you’re going to have to come to my place. Now.
I love cuddles
I would really appreciate some foreplay before you try to rail me.
You’ve been quiet lately
I will not be ignored.
I’m open to anything
I’m open to anything, as long as it involves your dick and/or ass.
Let’s just see what happens
Let’s just see what happens when we take all our clothes off.
We should catch up soon
I can’t be bothered right now, but who knows how I’ll feel tomorrow?
Nice pics / You look fit / You’re sexy
Please send more pics, preferably nudes, preferably yours.
Want to get a coffee?
I can’t tell if I like you from your pics, so I don’t want to commit to more than twenty minutes.
I’ve been keeping a low profile
I’ve been waiting for an STI to clear up.
Sorry I must have missed your last message
I found someone else to hook up with in the middle of our last chat.