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Dating

How to not put out on a first date because you’re waiting for an STI to clear up

You may have only received word from your GP a mere two hours before a first date that you’ve tested positive for a routine STI like chlamydia or gonorrhea. It’s not a big deal – they can be treated, but you’ll need to abstain from sex until a week after completing treatment – so here’s how to avoid it on a first date even when you want it!

If you, like me, are one within the 25% of gay men who report having had more than 10 sexual partners in the past six months (CSRH Annual report of trends in behaviour 2015, page 8), chances are, uttering the line “I don’t put out on the first date” would come across as utterly laughable.

There have been occasions though, where abstaining from sex on the first meet up has been a necessity. I may have had a routine STI and HIV test a few days ago and only have received a call two hours ago letting me know that I need to get some symptomless Chlamydia treated. Or I may have just received an anonymous text message from The Drama Downunder informing me that I may have been exposed to Gonorrhea.

Either way, I don’t want to expose any of my Hornet hook-ups or Grindr gays to an STI, so from now until a week after I’ve completed treatment , I’ll be avoiding sex. I’m not putting life on hold though, it’s just an easily treated STI , and so I’m keeping my date for tonight. All the same, I don’t necessarily want my opening line to be “Oh hi! Wow, you’re hotter than your pics but my jocks are still filled with gono discharge, so let’s just have a bite to eat, a couple of drinks and a chat.”. So here are some more creative ways to dance around the inability to be DTF on this first date if you’re currently being treated for an STI.

Go somewhere public

Get together for a drink at a busy pub, go for a coffee at the beach or spend the day together at the zoo! Choose something fun to do together in a public space where immediate fornication isn’t a practical option (unless you’re both exhibitionists, in which case, you better keep reading). If you agree to meet at his place or yours, it will be much harder to brush off the inevitable sexual advances and you may end up coming across as disinterested.

Although there are whispers of Gonorrhea potentially being transmissible by kissing, for the most part, as long as you and the man at your mouth don’t have open cuts or sores in your oral cavity, the chances of getting an STI or HIV from making out (except for herpes) are extremely low. So feel free to end the date with a long and lustful pash and dash.

Have an excuse lined up

When your date is coming to an end, but he still hasn’t cum and is ready to take things behind closed doors, make sure you’ve got a decent excuse lined up for closure without climax. Here are some options to be used in a casual yet forthright tone:

  • I have to be up for personal training at 4am
  • My housemate has shigella gastroenteritis so I need to go home and make sure she’s ok throughout the night
  • I’m not white pants confident tonight as I have an upset stomach and had curry for lunch (for total bottoms)
  • My douche is broken (for total bottoms)
  • I can’t host tonight (only works if they can’t either)
  • I have family staying with me at the moment
  • I injured my balls playing sport and need to give them more time to recover

The key to any of these excuses is using them in an extremely resigned manner – they should come across as annoying to you as they will be for your date. And if you’d like to meet again and seal the deal once you’ve completed your STI treatment, be sure to enormously emphasise how enthusiastically DTF you are for a second date.

Scheduled unavailability

Upon receiving treatment for an STI like Chlamydia or Gonorrhea, your GP will advise you to abstain from sex for approximately one week after completion, so depending on when your first date takes place during this period, you may need to ensure the second date doesn’t take place for up to two weeks (assuming you’ll both be gagging to fuck by the next meet). You still want to come across as keen though, so lock in the sequel date, making it clear that it can’t be any sooner citing any of the options below:

  • I’m away for work for the next fortnight
  • I have family staying with me for the next 15 days
  • I need to let an injury heal until then

Be honest

At the end of the day, if your date is going well and you feel like you’ve made a good connection with the guy, why not just bypass all of the above and be honest about the situation. Say that you’re extremely keen to get down and dirty but can’t right now as you’ve recently been exposed to an STI and need to abstain from sex for a week after completing treatment to avoid passing it on. It’s 2017 – if the guy slut shames you for having a fairly routine STI and doesn’t want to see you again, it’ll be a blessing in disguise – he’s clearly an ignorant douche and all the better you find this out now rather than later down the track.

If, on the other hand, he’s willing to jump you regardless of your STI status, of course that needs to be a mutual decision, but remember, things could get messy. It’s possible that you could pass the STI on to him, and then he could, in turn pass it back on to you on your second date. Maybe that’s just too much sharing straight off the bat.

Almost all STIs are easily treated and curable today if caught early, so get tested every three to six months or after any high-risk sexual activity, with minimal interference to your awesome sex and dating life!

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