Six ways to last longer in the sack – sex tips for gay and bi+ men

By Stephen Watkins, updated 2 months ago in Sex and dating / Sex

Muscular tatooed man lying down with underwear on

If you’re looking to last longer in bed, you are not alone. Roughly 72 per cent of men reported cumming too quickly during sex in a recent study. Whether you’re a top, bottom, or anything else in between, here are a few tricks you can try right now to prolong the pleasure and control the compulsion to blow.

There’s one thing most men may agree on: the fact that when you’re about to blow your load, there’s almost nothing that can stop you.

Whatever your strategy to last longer — from switching up positions at the first signs of climax, to thinking about Margaret Thatcher’s knees — usually the longer you try to last, the quicker you end up finishing.

According to a report by The Royal Australian College of General Practitioners (RACGP), premature ejaculation is the most common problem for men during sex, with up to 25 per cent of guys cumming within two minutes of penetration.

This can impact on a person’s sex life, leading to feelings of inadequacy and insecurity, but the RACGP study suggests that only a small proportion of those affected seek or receive professional help.

So, whether you’re worried you’re too quick a shooter, or you just want improve your sex life, here a few tried and tested techniques for men to last longer in the sack.

1. Edging (aka biofeedback)

Grab some lube and prepare to spend a good hour or so bringing yourself to the point of cumming and stopping just before, again and again and again (the lube will prevent any chafing).

Contrary to what some people might believe, a bit of self-love won’t make you go blind or ruin your sex life. In fact, edging like this is a form of biofeedback and can help you last longer during sex. By focusing intently on how your body reacts and the feeling you get when you’re about to cum, you can learn to recognise it so when you’re with a partner, you will have trained yourself to prolong the experience before you do. Using toys like Fleshjacks are a great way to do this because, let’s face it, your hand never really feels like the real thing.

“… a bit of self-love won’t make you go blind or ruin your sex life.”

2. Cum second

What’s not to love about someone who puts you first in the sack? If you know you tend to cum before you’re ready, or before your partners do, take a break from yourself and get to work on them. You might not only make them cum first, but it should score you some serious extra points.

3. Numbing creams

Topical numbing creams work by reducing the sensitivity of your dick so you don’t feel as much stimulation during sex as you normally would. Just like a doctor would rub on your skin before an injection, you’re meant to apply the gel or spray roughly ten minutes before sex.

By practising on your own first you can gauge how well it works for you and how much of the product you think you might need. Always read the label of these products to check for the active ingredients, only use them outside the body (not in your arse) and if you’re in doubt, speak to a doctor or health care provider.

4. Bottoming

If you were born with a penis, then you were also probably born with a prostate (the male G spot) and a lucky few cum really quickly when bottoming without having their dicks touched. Speaking of prostates, how well do you know yours?

“… let’s face it, your hand never really feels like the real thing.”

If you’ve already tried spending more time on foreplay, working on your partner, so they are more likely to cum quickly, you could also try switching up positions. Your prostate is positioned a few inches inside your arse facing towards your navel; laying on your side or on all fours can result in it being stimulated less than if you lay on your back.

The best way to know how your body reacts to being fucked is by doing it yourself; using anal toys on your own are a great way to work out what you like and don’t like, what makes you cum quickly and what slows down the build up to the big O.

5. Rubber up

Condoms not only help prevent HIV and STI transmission, but the barrier they form can also make you last longer. Brands like Durex and Trojan make thicker versions for this very reason, the idea being that a denser condom causes you to feel less sensation. This doesn’t work for everyone, and just like all the tips here, try it out alone to work out if this is a good option for you.

There’s an urban myth out there that doubling up, or using two condoms at once, does the same trick but this should be avoided because it greatly increases the chance the condoms will tear, break or slip off due to friction. Should this ever happen to you, know about PEP for preventing HIV after a possible exposure.

6. Speak to your doctor

If you’ve tried all of the above and you still think you’re cumming prematurely, then you might want to consider talking to your doctor about it. It’s definitely nothing to be ashamed of, with one in five guys having the same issue.

There are medications and other treatment options available, but they should only be considered after speaking to a healthcare professional. And, if you’d rather not bring it up with your family doctor, work it into conversation during your next regular HIV and STI screen at a sexual health centre — use our interactive map to find one near you.

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